mindsay reunion tourGreetings to all!
Despite being inactive for more than a year, I do occasionally swing by Mindsay to see what's going on in Top Blogs. I was surprised to see a Mindsay Reunion Tour underway and figured I'd add my name to the drive-by blog entries of those who were active here once upon a time. It's only fair...after all, I did attend my 30 year high school reunion this summer, and I've had many more conversations at Mindsay than I have with the people I went to high school with.
The crisis of self that occured simultaneously with my last blog entry has resulted in some very positive changes in my life. First, I got serious about taking care of my health and lost 35lbs in about 3 months, going from a size 12 to a size 4 (maintaining that for a year now). Although it didn't help with the pain, I do feel much better overall. Second, I got serious about my career development and am now reaping the rewards of my efforts. I've had several successful projects and received a promotion, two raises and a sizeable recognition bonus. The third phase of changes is ongoing, and involves me saying yes to opportunities to do things that I enjoy, and never saying "I can't". So far that has included returning to yoga classes, snorkeling in south Florida, and joining a women's dragon boat crew (and taking first place in a recent regatta). I never thought I'd be able to do any of those things, but I'm in the habit of surprising myself these days.
The reasons I left Mindsay last year are still valid, perhaps even more now that ever. When I look back at those years of blogging I see they were necessary and valuable in bringing about the changes that make me the woman I am today. I don't have the need to blog now. Instead of whispering my thoughts here, now I'm living life outloud.
Sometimes I find it's better to be somebody else.
It's been one hell of a week. Last Sunday evening I was attacked and stung multiple times by an angry mob of hornets. I'm very allergic to them and promptly experienced an anaphalactic reaction for which I was treated in our local hospital and later discharged...only to have the reaction return when the meds wore off...necessitating a return trip to the ER on Monday. The dirty bastards that stung me also gave me a nasty case of cellulitis (a deep skin infection caused by staph bacteria). The first round of IV and oral antibiotics didn't work, and the second round isn't impressing me either. It's now eight days later and I'm still sick as hell from the infection and something they're calling "serum fever"...essentially an immune storm in my body.
Laying in bed for a week with only brief periods of up-time gives a person a lot of opportunity to think. Too much opportunity, really. No one should be as introspective as I've been this week. It's just not good for you. Issues that ought to remain nicely suppressed start making their presence known. When even turning over in bed is too much effort, there's simply not enough mental reserve to tell the inner demons to shut the fuck up. Given free reign, their voices get pretty loud.
The inner demons, despite their demonic heritage, can be pretty insightful little bastards. All week long they battered me with questions: Is this the way you want to live? What are you doing that makes you happy? Are you going to choose your future or just let it happen to you?. They forced me to take a critical look at the way I'm living, to evaluate everything I do and decide if it's beneficial to me or not. I made a list of things I need to bring into my life, and a list of the things that need to go.
Mindsay needs to go. It's just too much drama, too much hate, too much ignorance and a huge chunk of time that I could be spending on other things that will add something to my life. The few people I interact with here who are a positive presence in my life may choose to continue that outside of this place. I hope they do.
So that's it. I'm leaving. No drama...just love and respect for those of you who made the last four or five years worth logging in.
~whispertales, over and out.
One of My Turns, Pink Floyd (The Wall, 1979)
Day after day, love turns grey
Like the skin of a dying man.
Night after night, we pretend its all right
But I have grown older and
You have grown colder and
Nothing is very much fun any more.
And I can feel one of my turns coming on.
I feel cold as a razor blade,
Tight as a tourniquet,
Dry as a funeral drum.
Run to the bedroom,
In the suitcase on the left
You'll find my favorite axe.
Don't look so frightened
This is just a passing phase,
One of my bad days.
Would you like to watch T.V.?
Or get between the sheets?
Or contemplate the silent freeway?
Would you like something to eat?
Would you like to learn to fly?
Would'ya?
Would you like to see me try?
Would you like to call the cops?
Do you think it's time I stopped?
Why are you running away?
Sweet love is keeping a very close score
She's cheated death more than one time
The tears roll down her face and on to the floor
The psychic's been reading her mind
Women with secrets men with their rage
The lines run deeper than words on the page
Breeze through the window, it turns bitter chill
Pretend we don't feel it, lie here real still
Whispered in visions of new earth shine
We volunteer to do nothing again
The world falls around us all we can do is whine
Living out the future of original sin
Women with secrets men with their rage
The lines run deeper than actors on the stage
Breeze through the mountains turns bitter chill
Pretend we don't feel it, lie here real still
Well now follow me to the water
Dive right through the film
Swim in the madness, fulfill every whim
Why worry about tomorrow that you'll never see
Why talk about the children that will never be
Give us this day our daily bread
Forgive us our monstrosities
No more stories of the Quick and the Dead
The asphalt will burn with our liabilities
Not to my family.
Not to my friends.
Not to my coworkers.
Not to Mindsay, or any other site I'm active on.
It's not that I have nothing on my mind...it's that I've got too much on my mind.
Don't bother to watch this space. Nothing will happen...not for a while.
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